Run.
Jasmine wants
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
so.see.
on wed i wanted to get my router but my brother was so darn petty.
coz he remembered the event on tuesday when he roared that i was rude.
so then we had a row.
and my stupid father must interfere.
and he did not even know what was going on yet he stood on my brother's side.
my brother said i was rude but the issue then wasn't my rudeness but the router and how he had his own internet connection but must constantly take my router.
however he was so horrid and added on to the shouting.
like it wasn't enough.
like i wasn't already breaking under the pressure of s4 and i still had to deal with such issues.
why?
what is wrong with my family?
i was sobbing that night and was really about to cry but i could not.
i had to stop.
i just had to.
but do you know how painful and how hurt i felt to be accused like that?
to hold back my tears?
no.
i doubt so.
and because i could not talk to anyone to make myself better i had many "crying fits" i call it.
that whenever i thought of whatever just happened i would start sobbing and tearing.
my throat would have a choking feeling and my nose would feel red.
okay i have weird expressions.but you get the picture.
why isit that my parents rather believe someone who has a thundering voice than me who does not and is but very stressed from school and need understanding parents and a window to vent my anger in (namely my blog)?
isit so difficult to understand that the reason i am so bad-tempered recently is due to the pressure i'm facing in s4?
it's actually a bit difficult to describe all the feelings i've felt that day coz of the fact that it's already been abt a week.
anw to summerise:
because of this incident,
my parents and brother have seemingly stabbed a knife through my heart and pulled it out the next but have left the wound open without stitching it.
this wound is so deep so gaping so that i have no clue exactly how deep and how much time is needed to heal it.
probably never.
but anw i would like to thank all my friends who have helped me "tide" through this crisis.
without you guys i really don't know how i would ever have settled this matter.
yes.
i really love all my friends.
you all are my pillars of strength and support.
without you all my life would be in shatters.
a REALLY BIG THANK YOU
i love you guys to bits.
muacks~
i thank my lucky stars for having met all of you all.
really really thank you.
i don't know how else to say it.
but it's from my heart.
hope you guys can feel it.